Friday, July 31, 2009

Thoughts on eloping and vintage gold.

For those of you who don't know this, I've been with my man for nearly 7 years. Our families have been attempting to nudge us toward the altar since about year 2, but we weren't in any huge rush. We've recently decided, however, that we are both very much ready to take the plunge. There are a few things we're struggling with though, and I wanted to see what your opinions are on the matter.

We both have very involved families. And since they have been so anxious to see us tie the knot, we naturally imagined a traditional wedding at first. The more we discuss it though, the more we feel like running off for a romantic getaway and eloping is more our style. The boy is a very private person, so he is all about the idea of sharing our vows on a secluded, scenic location. I do worry that I'll regret not having a "real wedding" later on down the road, but I think the experience of sharing a moment with nobody other than the man I love and a preacher on a beach or mountaintop would easily wash away any potential regrets about not doing things the normal way. I've never been a huge fan of following the norms anyway, so why start now?

When I take my family into consideration, I come to the conclusion that they deserve to see their sweet little girl walking down the aisle. But when I take only myself and my man into consideration, I feel like eloping would be perfectly fitting for our personalities. I don't want to strive only to please the family, because it's not about them really. But I also don't want to be a selfish, inconsiderate jerk and I'm just having a hard time finding that middle ground. Suggestions?

Since we've been leaning so heavily toward the "let's run away and get hitched somewhere exotic" option, I've been keeping my eyes peeled for fun little dresses. I was looking for something feminine and preferably white that could pass as a wedding gown, but comfortable and breezy too. Something that would fit right in at a low-key wedding on the beach. Yesterday at an estate sale, I found this vintage gem for only $6. How's THAT for a thrifty bride-to-be?

It makes me so happy when I wear it. I just want to dance barefoot in the grass. Or in the sand....

It's exactly what I was looking for, so much so that I almost want to believe that it had been hanging sadly in a forgotten closet, looking for me too.

In other news, I am currently featured in an adorable treasury that was put together by Amy Perrotti. She's a total sweetheart with a lovely little blog.

Click here to see the treasury. There are some really cute things there (I got some new favorites), which makes me even more honored to be a part of it.

I hope you all have a beautiful weekend! And don't forget to tell me your opinions and thoughts on the whole wedding situation. I wouldn't mind hearing some of your wedding experiences either, so feel free to reminisce with me!


SheezKrafty said...

I say let's meet for a cocktail and talk weddings! Initially we were totally eloping minded but decided to do the whole fun wedding business. It was stressful, not going to lie, but it was SO much fun and to relive those memories through friends and family is a blast :)

And I LOVE the dress! It does seem perfect for you! And you rock the bathing suit! Woohoo! :)

Heather said...

You could always elope for the vows and then have a reception at home for family and friends afterward. That way, its all relaxed and you dont have to worry about the whole 'getting up in front of people' thing (that's hard on shy boys!) we did a pretty small family wedding, but my SIL and her husband ran off to a tropic island and did the private wedding gig. You might just want to start making a list of things you like or want and have him do the same...and when you put those lists together-- what do they look like? An elopement or big wedding?
Either way, each is fun in its own way, there is no wrong!~

inkOBSESSIONdesigns said...

I LOVE that dress! And you look great!! :)

Amy Perrotti said...

Hi Holly! Congratulations on upcoming nuptials and on how hot you are in that bikini! lol The dress is so pretty! Great choices and finds!
Listen, the wedding is about YOU. lol I mean you are the Bride!!! And, women tend to have issues about the wedding that men just don't. If you think you will regret not having one then have one.
I know people who have had 2 ceremonies. One for just them and one for the family. Maybe that would be the way to go?
Love Ya,

Lindsay [Bella Cene'] said...

You know, I'm kinda in the same rough spot as you and your fiance. We would really like to run off alone and get married somewhere private but at the same time, we think we owe it to our parents to get to see us actually have a wedding. We've decided to have a wedding because it's a once in a lifetime thing and I would feel guilty if my [immediate] family weren't involved. I'm very close to my siblings and my little sisters are so excited to be flower girls :) I just can't take that away from them.

I hope you guys find someone to keep you both happy :) [as in ya'll and the family]

Brigid said...

Holly, I have exactly the same thoughts. Running off and doing something private just sounds so romantic, but celebrating your love with the people who mean the most to you sounds magical, too. You could consider running off somewhere with him and your immediate families, if they could afford it.

Also, DAMN, you are smokin' hot in your swim suit! I gave up on bikinis when I gave up on high-school sports, but if I looked like you, I'd be flaunting my midsection all over the place. ;)

Wasted Wishes said...

i agree with Heather. Elope for the vows, and then have a little get together/party for all the family. That way everyone wins! And, yeah, you look hot in the bikini. What a find!

apparentlyjessy said...

I love that white dress, its perfect for a wedding dress! I agree with the majority, elope for the vows, then have a family reception when you get home...maybe make it a surprise 'look what we did on our holiday' party!

I have been with my guy for nearly 7 years too, luckily our families aren't putting any pressure on us to get married, we want to travel and buy a house first...well I do anyway! :)

Hollyrocks said...

You guys have some great ideas about this wedding ordeal! I've even read some of your replies out loud to my guy, as he nodded his head in agreement. Lots of things to think about....

Thank you so much for your encouraging words on my weight loss. I took the bikini photo down though, because I chickened out lol.

Margaret said...

I'm not a big wedding person, but we did want our family there. We had an outdoor wedding that was very casual. My brides maids wore sundresses and people came in casual clothes. Then we had a BBQ afterwards. It wasn't as stressful as I have heard planning a big wedding is. It was just a fun party that everyone seemed to enjoy.

Your dress is beautiful. I think it will make a great wedding dress.

Congrats on the treasury.

Christie Cottage said...

I'd say have your private little wedding and then have a "reception" later where your family could attend. You could wear your adorable vintage find again, everyone could take pictures to their hearts content and bring you wedding presents!

Good luck!

Following you

Jaime said...

As much as eloping sounds fun, I'm one of those people that believes the wedding is for your family, and the marriage is for you. You have the rest of your life to be alone with your husband and share your vows. If you think your family deserves to see you walk down the aisle, then I tend to agree that you should do it. Save the romantic alone-time for the honeymoon. Also keep in mind that just because you have a wedding for friends and family doesn't mean you have to wear a prom-style dress. You can still be you, but your friends and family love you too and I'm sure they would appreciate being a part of that day with you.

Rheea said...

OMG, you're getting married (screaming hysterically)!! I'm soOoOOo EXCITED for you, Holly! Congrats!!!

I'm not sure about the wedding cultures in Western countries. For me I'd prefer a really simple/ relax ceremony around my family and few close friends. I'd rather spend the money for honeymoon and our beautiful house.

No matter what, I hope you'll have the happiest time of your life. An Angel blessing is on its way to you again! :D


Rheea said...

I just realise I'd missed out on your bikini shots!! :(

Pili said...

Oh that dress is lovely and fits you SO WELL!!

On the whole getting married thingy... why don't you go for both things, in a slightly different way? You and your man can elope, have the perfect just you two moment and then organize a reception for the family.

As much as it's traditionally a very family involved thing, it's mainly YOUR day, so you too should be the ones to make the choices!

I do want a small, low key wedding for me and the bf, but since he's Indian... wish me luck avoiding a big fat Indian wedding!

alexkeller said...

okay, here's what you do. you elope and take your family with you. my husband and were together 9 years when we found out we were having a baby! so we decided to get married. i have a very involved mother, and didn't want a wedding to get blown out of proportion. we wanted to elope, too, but i just had to see my family there, especially my dad, to walk me down the aisle.
so we did both. we got married in Las Vegas in a very nice chapel at one of the hotels, and had a small reception for less than 50 people. mostly friends, and only immediate family. my husband's sis was my matron of honor and my brother was the best man. no extended family, no friends of the family i had never heard of. no colors, no centerpieces, no special linens, and just a DJ and a buffet.
so pick a place, it can even be close to home, and elope with your family!

Audrey said...

ELOPE!!!!!! Had the traditional wedding, would definitely go for the beach with no one around if I had to do it again. You can always have a reception later if you want - just to make everyone else feel better.
You asked about the round glass disk in one of my pictures:
It's actually two pieces of plastic and yes there are weeds, flowers and leaves in between. It's really quite cool looking. The metal flowers are my favorite - have asked for them for Christmas. LOL

Oh - Love the dress!! Definitely go with that one. (and a beach, barefoot)

Sue Furrow said...

Holly Congrats!! AlexKeller probably said itbest. Ask your family to meet you at a beach, get married, have a barbecue and live happily everafter. You will have a photo album and video, mom &dad are happy, no stress, lots of money saved. Why wouldn't everyone be happy? Best Wishes and Eternal happiness. Sue

Jessica Marie said...

hey lady! love that dress :D

thank you for the book recommendations! i've read into the wild but i'll def. put the work of craft on my list!

Rheea said...

On behalf of Nono, thank you for the sweet comment! :)

Btw, I was at a local bookstore the other day and saw something that remind me of you. I took a pic of it to show you. May I have your email address so I can send it over?

Cheer up girl ;)

OliveStreetStudio said...

HMMMM, 7 years after our wedding, I have to say I'm very happy we did the traditional - in fact, I'm not a very religious person, but it is the church ceremony where all family and friends watched that I remember most - and my non-stop smile. I also planned the whole entire shin-dig in 6 months...I didn't let it get stressful. One day I picked the florist (I love all flowers so I knew I'd be happy with whatever was put in front of me) day for cake...invitations in a week...I sat around with not much to do for months. No stress....

PLUS being engaged is awesome! I look back and liked that time of saying 'my fiance'.

That being said, you could elope and have a reception for family and friends. You're so young - why not go for middle ground of a smaller wedding? You'd dad walking down the aisle - all dad's love that. :-)

Lemon Shortbread said...

What a lovely dress, and one of the reasons I love vintage markets! Now all you need is a garland of flowers to pull off the look =)

J-Mi said...

that dress is gorgeous! Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I agree with what many others have said that if you want to elope, elope. Then come home and have a second ceremony for you family. That way they can share in your wedded bliss, but you can have that special time for yourselves too.

Renee said...

Dang! It took me like 5 hours to scroll through all those comments! :) I think the dress is fabulous and you just look so cute! As for the wedding, I think you should elope and then have a big PARTAY! Owe-owe! Then we can all be involved without the traditional vibe.

Holly Hall said...

Oh, you gorgeous creature! That dress is beautiful!

I understand your dilemma. What if you had a very, very small, intimate ceremony with just a dozen or so of your favorite people, and then left for an exotic getaway together? I'm a big proponent of saving your money for the honeymoon!
Or, as others have suggested, go off and elope and then throw a big reception when you return. That way your loved ones get to be part of the celebration, but you and the lucky guy get your private moment to declare your undying love to one another. Plus, that takes out all the stress and chaos of "THE BIG DAY", so you can just relax and party with your favorite folks. Best wishes, whatever you decide!

Anonymous said...

Okay here's my opinion, and I'll try to keep it short, but you know me.

My first marriage, my ex and I got married barefoot on the beach in Hawaii, and it was the most beautiful thing. Except the part where we told everyone that we were getting married in Hawaii, and they all started inviting themselves. And that part about how we were supposed to meet the photographger an hour before the ceremony for a private photo shoot... when our family ended up showing up early too (so they wouldn't be late) and followed the photographer around snapping shots behind her the whole time like she wasn't even there.

Not that the ceremony wasn't lovely, but we spent even more energy trying to have peace and privacy during our honeymoon, because our family was also on the island vacationing, and everyone wanted to 'get together for lunch, or dinner, or whatever'... that we really didn't have any space the entire time we were there, and the whole thing ended up being a huge run-around to make everyone else happy.

That said, things change in life, we separated and I got remarried to my dream man last summer. He and I are both on our second marriages, so we decided to elope at a little cottage chapel here in town. We didn't even know our witnesses, they provided those for us as well, so it really was all about us... and I can't say I'd ever do it any other way.

Getting married is supposed to be about you and your husband, and about planning the rest of your lives together. NOT spending a bunch of money to make other people happy for one single day.

You could always plan on having a small wedding reception when you come home, and show a video of the wedding, or have a photo display of some sort, so everyone can see how beautiful and peaceful everything was.

Weddings are tough, because there are so many people who look forward to them, mothers, fathers, grandparents, sisters, you know... more than just the bride and groom. But, it really is all about you, and if eloping is what you want, I say find a polite way to tell everyone this 'is' your dream wedding, and ask them to kindly attend your reception instead. Then you'll have an excuse to wear the dress again too!

Congrats sweetie, I can't wait to hear more about it!!